Dear ABBY: I am a single mother of two children, an 8-year-old girl and a 9-year-old boy. My daughter’s father is involved; my son’s father is not. I was diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH) when my daughter was born and given two weeks to live. My condition has improved significantly and I am on the best treatment available for it.
To protect my son in case something happens to me, my parents and I did a third parent adoption. With this new law, I was able to add parents to my son’s birth certificate without giving up parental rights and remain the sole custodial parent. He stays with my parents three nights a week.
The problem is that my mother openly favors my son over my daughter. Last year, she planned a Disney cruise just for herself, my son, and me. I understand that life is not 100% fair, but favoring it goes beyond just tickets and rides. It’s everything from gifts and attention to the tone of voice and how many pictures are on the wall. Everyone around us sees it, especially my daughter. Please advise. – UNEQUAL IN OREGON
DEAR UNFORTUNATE: I will BET your daughter notices it! The person who can stop it is you. Consult with the attorney who helped you with the custody arrangement and explain that what has happened is not healthy for either of your children. Once you find out what your options are, including possibly changing the custody agreement, confront your mother about her blatant favoritism. And be glad that your daughter’s father is as responsible as he seems.
Dear ABBY: I used to hang out with my friend “Brian” and his girlfriend, “Jenny”. We all lived together and spent almost every weekend together. They split up and went their separate ways 14 years ago. Jenny is single and Brian has a steady boyfriend now. I still talk to both of them, but not often.
Jenny sent me a message recently on social media. We shared some photos and talked about the past and the present. She said she has her place and is doing well. I suggested that maybe I would stop by one night after work. She said she would and sent me her phone number to set up a date and time.
My question is: Should I visit her and what if something sexual happens? (Trust me, I wouldn’t rule it out.) Should I ask Brian for his permission? Are you and I heartless that we want to meet? – PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE FRIENDS
DEAR FRIEND: Because you’re not comfortable crossing some kind of boundary if you visit Jenny and there’s chemistry, you reach out to Brian and say, “Hey, guess what. I reconnected with Jenny and she invited me. Do you have any objection to this?” I can’t see how, 14 years after their romance ended, he would have an objection. Then visit Jenny, and que sera, sera.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
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