Dear Abby: I’m a fit man – I can’t find hot, fit women to date me

Dear ABBY: I am a mature male who had a weight problem years ago. When I turned 50, I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, hypertension and diabetes. I took the doctor’s advice on diet and 150 minutes of exercise a week. Fast forward to today, and I’ve lost almost half my weight and am now in great shape.Â

My problem now is finding women near or around my age who have the same dedication to exercise and fitness. It is almost impossible to find a partner who shares the same values. I’ve tried dating sites and almost always get catfished. I go on dates, but unless I’m physically attracted to someone, things don’t get out of the “friend zone”.

I feel that physical attraction drives a good part of a healthy relationship. I appreciate having friends, but finding someone who can run, bike, kayak, etc. is, to me, vital to a successful relationship. Should I decide to have someone to spend time with, or keep faith and hope that I’ll find a woman I’m attracted to? I have had little luck finding a compatible partner. Am I being too picky, since many people don’t or won’t take care of themselves? – DISCOURAGED IN MEMPHIS

DEAR DISCOURAGED: Physical attraction is important, but what attracts us to others varies from person to person. You don’t have to be lonely. Because physical fitness is very important in your life apart from chemistry, keep looking online. If you do, you’ll find that there are more than one dating site geared toward people who are interested in health and fitness. I wish you luck.

Dear ABBY: I am an older woman who still works at a great job and who is generally very happy with my life. My husband is a clergyman, but we have our own apartment, so my grown-up daughter lives in the rectory of the church with her three children and her partner. My husband has declared his intention to retire next year – well deserved

Of course, my daughter will have to find a new place to live. She has suggested that I sell my apartment and move with her and her brood into a two-family home. I love her and my grandchildren, but my mortgage is paid and I don’t want to do this. I seriously doubt she has any savings to contribute to a down payment or any of the other myriad costs of paying for or maintaining a home. How can I answer without hurting him too much? – BAD IDEA IN NEW YORK

Dear Bad Idea: Your grown daughter has been very lucky to have parents who have provided shelter for her, her partner and her brood. You didn’t mention if she and her partner have jobs. (I wish you had.) If they do, they can pool their income and be able to pay rent to a landlord.Â

Ask your daughter how she intends to contribute to the arrangement she’s suggesting, and be honest about your feelings. It doesn’t hurt to stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be harsh, but communicate that what she has in mind wouldn’t work for you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.